[day 278: dear construction]

dear construction,
as a driver in utah county,
i have a bone to pick with
you.

i do not understand
why utah has the need
to bring

every.

orange.

cone.

and put them in the geographical area
between the point of the mountain
and springville.

for the last year...
almost two,
there has not been a day
where i have not driven past
an orange cone
and a whole crew of workers.

in fact, i see them about every 20 feet.
budget cuts are always being made,
but i think it's because the state of utah
is pumping all their money into
our roads...
which were decent to begin with.

and if there is a need to fix a road,
rather than spread everyone out to
work on 50 different projects,
why don't you guys combine your efforts
into one project,
finish it all the way,
and then move on to the next one??

the half-finished drawn out jobs are
making driving anywhere
a mess...

thanks for nothing,
a discouraged driver

[day 274: leftbrain rightbrain]

Left brain: 

I am the left brain. 

I am a scientist. 

A mathematician. 

I love the familiar. 

I categorize. 

I am accurate. 

Linear. 

Analytical. 

Strategic. 

I am practical. 

Always in control. 

A master of words and language. 

Realistic. 

I calculate equations and play with numbers. 

I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.

Right brain. 

I am the right brain. 

I am creativity. 

A free spirit. 

I am passion. 

Yearning. 

Sensuality. 

I am the sound of roaring laughter. 

I am taste. 

The feeling of sand beneath bare feat. 

I am movement. 

Vivid colors. 

I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas.

I am boundless imagination. 

Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. 

I am everything I wanted to be.

I love this.

SO much.

everyone is predominantly one or the other,

but both are needed...

which one are you?

[day 273: 11/11/11 11:11]

soooo i know it's sort of cliche-ish
to write about this day,
but in light of my post yesterday,
i think i should
write about something happier!!
lighter.

anyways,
how cool is this?
really.
this day won't happen
for the next 100 years.
and we all got to be here for it.

super cool.

let me tell you,
i made a pretty good wish!!
[it's a secret though...]

andddd,
it's veterans day.
i just want to thank all of you
who currently serve this country,
who have served our country,
and will serve this country.

you are amazing men and women,
and i hope that you get the
recognition you deserve.

today in nashville,
we got to plant trees.
lots of trees.
and digging holes with my senators
was awesome...

we planted 10 trees in less then an hour.
i think it's because of mutual activities,
and saturday chores. ha

the lady that was there representing
the "hands on in nashville"
service organization was
floored.

she couldn't believe how fast
we dug those holes...
and i loved it.

way to represent UVU.

you rock.

[day 240-272: politicians and pocketbooks]

it's official. i am a terrible blogger.

it's just because life

keeps getting in the way...

which is a great thing!

because life is great!

anyways...i just started this

history class

in effort to get my

associates by the end of this year.

my teachers name is dr. frederickson,

and she is fabulous.

for those of your who know me,

you know that i have never been very

politically inclined....

and that's not really why i'm here.

the last thing i want to do

is get into a political debate about anything.

i've just had some thoughts that are in the

realm of politics...

lok, more like on the outside border. ha

two weeks ago in class,

we were discussing the departing address

of george washington.

he was a great man,

and for those of you that don't know...

he was the first president of our country!

(cut down a cherry tree...on the $1 bill. haha)

anyways, in his address,

he said two things that

have stuck with me...

first he said that as americans, we need to

cherish public credit.

put simply...washington believed that

our nation would be the most successful

it it kept its money circulating within our borders.

now, i know that with the global economy,

there is no way we can do that...

we couldn't survive as a nation.

but, it leaves one to question where our money

IS actually going.

would the founding fathers agree with

what our national government has gotten us into?

really...think about it.

in a world that is being torn apart by

war and famine

and natural disasters,

we are slowly and surely killing our nation

with national debt...

and it is piling. daily.

for someone who is a part of the

"rising generation",

what is going to be left for me?

really??

at this point,

i will have no social security waiting

for me when i retire,

because it's all being used for a

national adgenda.

rather than outsource,

why don't we start to restablish

and cherish our own public credit?

why don't we being to use

the hundreds of thousands

of americans that are out of work?

why don't we chreish the

spirit that build america

bring back the benefits of being

a working man [or woman]

to america?

i'm not on this soapbox

because i'm unhappy with my life...

i have been very blessed and am so grateful for it.

but i am wary as to where this nation in going to

be in 20 years...even 10 years.

i hope that someday,

politicians can put away their pocketbooks

and think about the future they are leaving for

my generation.

my children.

even my parents...

i don't know if that will ever happen though.

there is too much taking and not enough giving...

too much person gain to be had.

but maybe, there will be a day where the

true american dream is revisited,

and the working man will be called back to his rightful place.

maybe we'll actually begin to appreciate

the value that is found in our own

backyard...and cherish our public credit.

just a thought...

[day 237-239: pretty sundays]

how beautiful are sundays?
i swear...god always saves the
best
days for sunday.

think about it...
almost every single sunday
[of my life, anyway]
have been beautiful.
they have amazing mornings,
bright days,
and beautiful sunsets.

and today was the first day
in days
that hasn't been full of cold rain
[though i do quite like the rain]

it was beautiful.
it just goes to show
that the big man upstairs
knows which day needs
a little more attention.

gotta love those sundays!

[day 235-236: steve jobs]

"here's to the crazy ones, the misfits,
the rebels, the troublemakers,
the round pegs in
the square holes...
the ones who see things
differently.
they're not fond of rules...
you can
quote them,
disagree with them,
glorify or vilify them,
but the only thing you can't do it
ignore them
because they change things.
they push the human race forward,
and while some may see them as the crazy ones,
we see
genius,
because the ones who are
crazy
enough to think they can
change the world,
are the ones who
do....think different"
--steve jobs

i got this quote today from a dear friend
who is quite the visionary himself...
but in light of the loss of
steve jobs,
i want to pay my own little tribute to the
visionary
who's forward thinking
literally changed the world.

this man brought a near-broke
computer company
back,
and created the most successful
tech company
in the world.

we use ipods, iphones, and ipads daily.
lets face it...they are a part of our lives.
for some, a very crucial part.

and it was all due to this man.

here's to forward thinking,
being different,
doing different,
and being visionary.

here's to understanding the big picture,
and believing that you really can change the world.

so, in the words of my enlightened friend...
keep moving forward.

keep trying and keep looking to the future,
but do not forget the significance
of your current experience.

eventually, you'll look back and realize
that every experience has added up to
the you that you've become.
[yeah yeah, i know it's cheesy]

you never know...
maybe you'll be able to change the world,
just like steve jobs.

rest in peace mr. jobs.
the world will truly miss you.
thanks for your innovation!

[day 210-234: hello october!]

october is one of my very favorite months...
let me tell you.
it looks like someone has gone through the wilderness
and hand-painted every
single
leaf.
it's absolutely breathtaking.

october makes me think of
the smell of morning
and apple cider
and leaves.

it makes me think of
pumpkin soup
and grandma's house
and raking leaves
and perfect days
and cool mornings.

i think of scarves
and boots
and jackets
and cute gloves
where my fingers stick out of the ends

i think of chilly noses
and getting cosy
and pumpkins.

i love everything about october...
including halloween!
it is the one holiday where
everyone
is encouraged to be something
that they aren't...
which is so much fun!

i remember when i was little,
i would start planning my
halloween
costume
the week after my birthday.
aaah i was always so excited!!
and to this day,
though i may be 20,
i start looking at costume options
before october even starts.

hello october!
it is lovely to have you...
i hope we get to enjoy
every
single
day
of you.

[day 169-209: day of birth]

yes, it's true that i haven't been on here for a month

and a little bit....

but life just kinda got in the way.

a lot of things have been going on in my life...

one of the biggest being that 

I TURNED 20 ON WEDNESDAY.

i'm two decades old.

and i will never be a teen ever again...

and when look back on it,

those years from 13-19 have felt like the

longest 

years of my life.

but it was only seven of them...

if you think about it,

birthdays are a really awesome thing 

to celebrate.

you get to celebrate who you have become

over the last year, 

and you get to celebrate all that's in store for you

in the years to come!

i got to go crawdadding with the smith fam

on monday to start my birthday week...

[if you don't know what crawdadding is, i will teach you.]

it's pretty epic.

and, you know, i had such a great day!

it wasn't super intense or anything.

but it was sweet and genuine 

and it was spent with people that i truly love.

my parents took me to lunch,

[after decorating my desk at school]

and then i got to come home to my brothers

and see my grandparents...

i wouldn't of had it any other way!

and then thursday, my great roommates took me out to dinner,

tonight, i had a blast dance-hopping!

overall...my birthweek has been fabulous.

now, when people ask me how old i am,

and i tell them that i just turned 20,

i've got a feeling that i'm going to get the 

"you-are-so-old" wide eyes.

but really, my life has just started.

which is hard to believe.

some days, i feel like an old lady.

but i know that i have a lot to learn,

and i have a lot to work on. 

this year, i want to learn to find the joy in the journey...

i want to find the joy in my personal journey.

this is a time in my life that i will never forget.

which is great!

i just need to keep moving forward...

so...i am 20. officially.

but, i will always be a little girl at heart. 

always.

happy birthday to me....

[day 143-168: dentist]

hello hello world!
though i have not kept true to my
original goal
of writing every day,
[and if not that, every few days]
i am back.

i have been working,
and playing,
and working some more.
life is super busy and i've
decided it's the
only way
i know how to do things.

anyway...to my current post.
today, i went to the dentist.
most of the time,
it's just a routine cleaning,
poke around my mouth for the
possibility of a cavity,
and then i'm on my way!

well...that all changed.
today.
i had my first cavity filled today...ever.
and my dentist was super great.
i didn't feel tons of pain,
more like a baby pinch really.
the needle didn't freak me out.
[needles never really do to be honest]
but, more than anything,
i hate this numb mouth thing.
it's terrible!

and to be honest,
i hate that i even got a cavity to begin with.
i feel like my teeth have failed me...
or, more that i failed my teeth.
hopefully, this cavity filling stuff was a one time thing.

because generally, i like my teeth.
i don't want them getting holes and cavities and stuff.
gross.




but for today, i will continue to flick my cheek
until i can feel it again.
ha!

ciao!

[day 132-142: simple]

this is how i've felt about life lately...

pretty simple...right?

[day 124-131: lifeguards]

cool thing, lifeguards.
not only can we appreciate the ones from
baywatch,
running in their bright red swimming suits
across the beach,
or the ones at our local pools.

i'm talking about a different kind of lifeguard.
a better one!

last week, i was texted a quote that has stuck with me,
"when you feel like you're drowning in life's situations,
remember, your lifeguard walks on water."
i heard it again today in a talk, and i absolutely love it.

it was a good reminder for me that
i've always got people on my team,
ya know?

even when i feel like i'm drowning.

it reminded me of not only my eternal lifeguard,
but of my dad.

today, being father's day,
i want to talk about my dad.
being the only girl,
i get to be daddy's girl.
forever.
[which is so great]

my dad is the most
amazing,
hard working,
loving,
responsible,
thoughtful,
driven
man i have ever met.

he is respectful, and honorable,
and has shown me through example
the way i should be treated
by my own prince charming someday.
he loves my mom, me and my brothers
unconditionally.
and eventually, i want a husband that
can be to my children what my dad has been to me.

dad, i will always be your little girl,
no matter how old i get,
where i go,
what i do,
or who i marry,

i will be your little girl forever.

thank you for everything dad.
you are a constant in my life.
you are one of my [many] lifeguards.
i love you with all of my heart.

happy father's day everyone!

[day 116-123: guess who's back]

i'm backkk!
did you miss me?!
[at this point people are saying "ha, no"]

regardless,
i have returned from one of the
[best]
vacations i've ever had.

jake [the 16yr old brother]
and i [the 19yr old sister]
have successfully
driven ourselves
to
and
from
california,
posted on the beach,
frolicked through six flags,
and had the time of our lives.

currently,
we are both starting to peel a bit from our
[excessive]
sun exposure.
my freckles are present,
and i feel like summer is finally here!

this vacation is something that i will
[never]
forget.

jake [though you don't read this blog]
this is a shout out to you.
thanks for wanting to go with me,
and thanks for being such a
big [little] brother.
you are an amazing person and i truly enjoyed
every second
of our little trip.

here's to new adventures
and summer time.

whoohoo!

[day 114-115: pumped]

i. am. PUMPED.
right now.

in about five hours,
my little brother and i will
be departing on our very
first
road trip.

to california.
better yet,
to six flags.
and the beach.
and trader joes.

whoopwhoop!

i am not writing to brag about
my vacation.

i am writing to say that i am
so completely and absolutely
[pumped]
to be able to go with my
little brother
on a vacation.

it's going to be a blast.

see you in a week, amigos

[day 111-114: fighters]

tonight, i watched "the express"
my mom had raved about this movie for about
half of
forever,
and i had never seen it.

i now understand why she raved about this movie.

football player ernie davis is one of the
most
driven athletes i have ever seen.
he pushed himself to the limit every time,
and more than anything, he had a
love
for the game he played.

he ran,
tackled,
jumped,
juked,
stiff-armed,
and out maneuvered
almost every obstacle
that came his way
because of the love of a game.

however, this talented individual
had to change his focus when he was
22 years old.

he fought cancer at 22.
he fought leukemia at 22.

and that drive that allowed him to
become the first african-american to
ever
win the heisman trophy
kept him fighting until
may 18th, 1963.

he was an amazing athlete.
even better, he was an honorable individual off the field.
he began as a fighter and ended as a fighter.

and he reminded me of someone.
her name is brittany tom.

her began her fight with leukemia at age 7.
and kept her fighting spirit
until she lost her life at age 10.
i miss that girl...
she was as feisty as they came!
when i would visit her in the hospital,
we'd just chill like we did when we were home.
she'd crack the jokes,
i'd lose at game cube,
and life was pretty great.

we were best friends.
and she was such an example to me.
and still is!
she was a fighter.
just like ernie davis.

this is just a [little] shout out
to all of those who know a
fighter in their lives...
make sure they know you love them
yeah??

there are fighters everywhere.
people are always fighting their own battles,
just remember to love, give, learn,
and keep moving forward.
be a fighter.

[day 106-110: blink]

it's crazy how some things can change in the
[blink]
of an eye.
literally.

like when you're watching traffic
or a sunset
or the ocean
or even your life.
maybe it's somebody else's life.

today, i learned of an incident
where a child was hit by a car, and lost his life.
that is something that happened
in a [blink]

and that one [blink]
completely changed the lives of that family
forever.

last night, i heard the story of a head-on collision
that killed two and seriously injured another...
that happened in a [blink]

my heart and prayers go out to all of those
whose lives have been affected by these sad stories.
i can't even imagine.

seriously, think about how short a [blink] is.
according to google, one blink is about
150 milliseconds.

that's basically nothing.

there are a lot of happy things that happen
in 150 milliseconds though.

babies are brought to our world,
high schoolers graduate,
and life goes on.

there are a lot of 150 milliseconds in every day...
[according to google, there are 86,400,000]

hopefully i am making good use of all of those.
sheesh.

[day 98-105: knowing]

you want to know what's hard for me?

knowing.
waiting.
and understanding.

because most of those don't click together
at the same time.

usually you know something,
and then you have to

wait

before you

understand

why that thing is happening to you or someone you love.

there are some hard things that are
happening in my life right now
that i don't quite understand yet.

they are happening for the right reasons,
but they are still hard.
and you know what?

no one knows where they'll be in two years.
no one knows where they'll be in one year.
no one [really] knows where they'll be in a month.

and i definitely don't know where i am going to be...
which scares me.
i know where i would like to be.

but where i want to be and where i am going to be
could be two completely different things.

and when i say no one knows where they'll be,
i'm talking about on a
physical
emotional
spiritual
or mental level.

life is a huge combination of all of those things.
and it's hard. real hard.

understanding why some things go the way they do is hard.
but it is a part of life that eventually creates
beauty and hope and closure....
and possibly create other opportunities down the road.

and maybe these things i'm currently experiencing
are things i'm not supposed to
understand yet.

i know it'll work out eventually.
and it will work out the way that its supposed to.

i've just got to wait.
patiently...

over and out.

[day 92-97: bananagrams]

  
this is a shout out to

anyone

who has ever played
bananagrams.

it is thee most intense game of
super speedy scrabble
you will ever play.
i will not take the time to
explain it...
but, next time you see me,
if you're interested,
just ask.

it has been introduced to my
family by some awesome
extended family members.
it gets pulled out
at family parties,
reunions,
and gatherings in general...

when wagers are attached
it gets a little intense.

like tonight.

thanks to a [very] out-numbered game
three hooligans
with [decent] word choice
and a wager

my mother and i are now making dinner.
for those hooligans.

boy vs. girls was the game
dinner was the wager

and because of ONE tile,
we lost the first time.
and because of ONE word,
we lost the second time.
barely.

we will be having a rematch...
and i assure you,
i will not be beaten a
third time.

over and out.

[day 74-91: catch up]

it's been a real long time since i've been on here.
here's a quickie version of what's been going on in my life.

had an awesome mother's day with my mom...and others.
my mom is the most amazing person i have ever met.
she continues to amaze me with her continued kindness and positivity.
she's my very best friend and i'm not sure what i would do
without her.

went to an amazing retreat at daniels summit in heber for uvusa.
talked about the color code, discovered what i am, and how to use it.
got closer with the new council [aah it was so great]
went snowshoeing for a leadership activity.

working at orange leaf and as a nanny/cna for two families.
loving all of my opportunities there.

attended ula [utah leadership academy] at slcc with council
discussed the importance of leaving a positive digital footprint...
over and over and over. it's something i'm taking to heart!
had more great times with my council friends.
learned the coolest line dance anyone has ever seen.
[thanks to sam, tash, and brittni]
discovered the dance floor theory...
and a couple other things.

saw thor saturday night.
not sure how i feel about it...

sunday.
ward-hopped like crazy.
had friends over...which was great!

monday.
went to work, which was awesome.
got the fastest haircut i've ever had in my entire life.
fhe.
chilled with the fam.

there you go...super quickie version of my life.
i've had to stretch myself a lot lately
in the way of communicating with others,
and it's been hard!
so for those i've been interacting with,
thanks for being patient with me.

summer has officially started,
and i am pumped.
over and out.

[day 72-74: pride]

today, i have got a lot of pride for our country.
i got the news about osama bin laden
[along with everyone else]
and i could not believe it.

this post, though it may be small,
it just a big shout out
and a sincere thank you
to whoever has been
[involved]
in the fight for our country.

i am so grateful to live
where i do,
surrounded by those i love,
free to worship,
live, laugh, learn,
and become the person i want to be.

thank you.
to everyone.

over and out.

[day 63-71: done]

i am done.

i am done with my first year of college
i am done with my second round of finals
i am done with a lot of other things too
and let me tell ya...
 
life is *fabulous*

my mom told me today
that she's been noticing
my singing around the house...
it's bbbaacckkkkk
and it was gone for a long time.
for two whole months,
i hardly sang a note...
not even in church.

mind you,
i don't sing out-loud all the time,
but it could be considered a
personal mood meter.

and that personal mood meter
is going to stay where it is right now
for a long time.
i can feel it...

because things have been falling into place for me
on a lot of different levels of my life lately
and i cannot even begin to express my gratitude.

i am done hiding in a shell.
i am done shying away.

i am clearing my head
clearing my heart
and letting go...
moving on and [moving up]

i am [simply] done.
and i am back...in full force.

i know i've said that before,
but this time, i mean it.

happiness,
sunshine,
and
summer.

doin' work,
having fun,
[absolutely] loving my life,
and enjoying the sun...
over and out

[day 57-62: i think i can]

i think i can
i think i can
i think i can
i think i can....

who's ever heard of
the little engine that could?

i hope you all have at least once.

today, i am the little engine.

with finals,
projects,
various social engagements...
work,
more finals,
more school,
and a couple more social engagements...
i am in the middle of crunch time right now.

and let me tell ya,
it is crunching.
real hard.
but i am happy!
life is great.
life is funny.
life is mind blowing
and wonderful.

i have one more week until finals.
i have one more week until i move out.
i have one more week until my freshmen year is over.

i think i can
i think i can
i think i can...

[day 55-56: sunshine]

oh. my. heavens.

please tell me you have all enjoyed 

the sunshine 

today.

i woke up...looked out the window,

and there it was.

sunshine.

and it got me smiling from ear to ear.

and it's stayed all day long.

i cannot believe how much good

sunshine does.

everyone is chitterchattery

everyone is looking out the windows

everyone is talking about the weather

and everyone is happy today.

phew! 

it's about time for some happiness.

i mean, i've had a lot of happiness lately,

but the sunshine today has multiplied

my happiness by ten...

maybe even onehundred times

how funny is it that our moods

are so affected by the weather?

seriously.

humans are funny that way...

but then again,

humans are funny in a lot of ways.

regardless of how funny humans are,

sunshine is beautiful

and it makes the rest of the world beautiful!

here comes the sun...do do do doooo

let's just hope it stays, ya?

over and out.

[day 54: fort]

remember when we were all little?
and forts were thee best form of entertainment?
we'd strip our beds and clean out our linen closets,
and then find every book and
hair tie and then attach the sheets
to each other and stack books and make a house
that took up the entire basement?

i do.
and i want to build one.
how much fun was it to be inside the forts?
really.

you could be anyone you wanted to inside your fort.

you could be
a pirate,
a princess,
a robot,
a rockstar,
a singer,
a spy,
an explorer,
or an astronaut.

[personally, i liked being a princess or a pirate]

i wish we still regularly made forts....
an amazing adventure inside your own home
you could get away, and it could last for days.
it doesn't cost any money,
and the worst part is putting it away.

what a perfect little vacation right?
i want to go on a fort adventure!
right now.

who's going to come with me?
any takers?

[day 50-53: butterflies]

who loves butterflies?

i do!

each of them is so gorgeous.

and from far away, 

they all look the

same...right?

if you ever get the chance to get close,

[i mean, real close]

to a butterfly,

they have the most subtle differences

that make them completely

beautiful

individually.

kinda like people.

now, who loves getting butterflies?

i do, i do, i do!

getting butterflies is one of the greatest things ever. 

it's such a combination of intense emotions!

everyone gets butterflies for one reason oor another.

it's an individual thing...right?

i mean, when we think of getting butterflies,

we generally think of the fleeting feeling in your

tummy that can shoot clear down to your toes

and it makes you feel like you're either going to

fly off the floor

or fall straight to the ground

and pass out...

right?

for me, i get butterflies right before i speak

or sing

or play

in front of people.

but, as corny and cheesy as it sounds,

my very favorite butterflies

are the ones you get right before

someone comes to pick you up for a date,

oor someone gets really really close,

oor pull you in close,

oor whispers in your ear.

oor right when someone grabs your hand,

oor gets the door for you,

oor makes eye-contact with you.

i really hope everyone has had those kinds of butterflies.

because they are the best...

and i've been getting a lot of those lately.

and i cannot even tell you how great it is.

lately, i'm getting them all the time.

just periodically, 

throughout the day.

every time they hit,

i get the biggest smile...

and it stays.

i love butterflies.

both kinds.

flutter by, butterfly.

[day 48-49: badthings & goodpeople]

why do bad things happen to good people?
seriously.
it is such a hard thing for me to understand.
i heard the news from a best friend that one of
her really good friends has been in an accident
that is keeping him from going on a mission.
my heart and my prayers go out to both of them...

i just cannot believe what people have gone through,
or what they continue to endure.

it seems like the cream of the crop
are the ones who have it pretty rough.
and, you know, their trials aren't always
visible
to everyone else.

most of them are invisible.
maybe it's because that person is really
good at putting on a face that shows
the world they're ok...
oor maybe their issue is something
that no one can fix but themselves.

those who appear to be perfect are
usually dealing with [a lot] of personal stuff.
let's be honest, we all know someone
who appears to be completely flawless.
they're always happy,
and smart,
and gorgeous,
and driven and talented
and successful and witty and nice
and approachable and realistic and stylistic and organized.

right?

truth is...we have no idea what anyone is [truly] going through
but ourselves.

and, as cliche as it is...we need to recognize that everyone
is fighting their own battles,
and we need to be willing to help others along the way.

my post today is a shout out to all of those who are going
through anything hard...
oor have recently received tough news,
oor are fighting tough battles.

you can do it.
people love you.


over and out.

[day 47: finishing]

finishing is hard.
finishing is long.
finishing is what separates winners and well,
not winners.

i don't know about you,
but i like to think i'm a finisher.
i love to work and work and work
and see how my work has paid off
in a final product.

i see the consequences of my action
when i don't finish something like i should.

i hate that feeling.

right now, i'm in the home stretch of my
first year of college,
and i'm almost finished for the year.
i cannot tell you how excited i am!

i have learned so much this year,
and i know that i will only continue
to learn the longer i am in college.

i have decided on a major,
and now i have something to work towards.
whoohoo!

i am a finisher.
and i am going to finish strong...
hopefully.

over and out

[day 42-46: enchanting]

today, i was talking to my lovely cousin on the phone,
catching up because we haven't talked in about half of forever.
we were talking about old friends,
new ones,
new adventures,
and old times.

we got talking about how people we have recently met,
and how cool it is to feel like old friends,
when you've only known someone for a [very] little while.
it's kind of crazy,
kind of amazing...
almost enchanting.

it's amazing when you are spending time with someone,
and it's like your old friends,
just catching up.
but you've hung out only once or twice before.

people are amazing.
seriously.

so grateful for the new friends i'm making
and the old ones i dearly love.

life is enchanted....
that's all.

over and out.

[day 40-41: school]

weird thing, education.
who ever thought that as a
society
we need to attend institutions
created solely for learning?

whoever it is, they are brilliant.
seriously.

i think that being a part of [any] school
is the only way that we can
truly become who we are.
it's one of the few places
where we can access
the true power of our minds.

we learn how to write,
read, add, subtract, multiply,
divide, speak...among other things.
we [can] learn art, science, philosophy,
medicine, ethics, photography,
the list goes on and on.

it's where we learn how to
act socially. we begin to understand
social norms through what we learn
at school.

our minds are amazing.
i want mine to keep working
on expanding...

too cool for school?
psh....never.

[day 39: weakness]

today, i have been thinking about my personal weaknesses,
and what i'm not very good at.
not to beat myself up or anything, but to recognize things
that i can work on to improve
myself.

and the things that i found today are things
that i have been working on all year long.

i realized that i get nervous in front of crowds...
not because i have to be in front of a crowd,
but because i know i talk too fast.
and because people cannot understand me.
i have been working on slowing down my speech,
and it is really really hard for me.
as conceded and funny as it sounds,
my mouth is just trying to go as fast as my brain.
it's like my mouth is on a highway,
and my brain is on the auto-bahn in germany
[no speed limits, no rules. just speed]
that is when i start to stutter, and go over my words
and sound unintelligent....
i hate it.

i realized that i have a hard time sticking up for myself,
even when it needs to be done.
especially when it needs to done...
i think it's because i like everything to stay pleasant,
so i keep acting pleasant.

and i am pleasant, truly happy, most of the time.
it's not that i'm fake, i'm just good at projecting the good.

i realized that i am stubborn
[anyone that knows me is very aware of this]
to a fault sometimes.
and i actually enjoy being stubborn...
it helps me get things done.
but, at the same time, there are times when my
stubbornness
overrides manners, and i assume do something
myself
when i should let someone else do it.

for example, letting guys get the door for me
or letting someone get to know me
or letting someone help me when i need it.

i realized i put up [a lot of] walls that people
have to get through
before i let them get to truly know me.
which is not fair to anyone, including
myself.
because i think people would like to get to know me.
and i love to get to know people.
a lot of people!!

yikes. these are toughies.
i am working on them, always working.
because i want to be able to get to know you guys!
[by you guys, i mean everyone]

i know i am going to keep on being stubborn,
but i will try to let men be gentlemen.
[sorry guys]

i know these are parts of me that make me, me.
but, i need to work on them so that i don't hurt anyone.
including myself...which i have been doing and will continue to do

furthering my personal social experiment.
over and out.

[day 38: flowers]

i want flowers.
i want [constant] sunshine.
i want summer
and sunshine
and swimming
and summertime swagger
and friends
and working in the dirt
and boating
and snoasis
and tan-ness
and adventures
and [summer]

i will have my summer in 30ish days
until then, i will continue to search for signs of life...like flowers.

they are a piece of happiness, living art.
they are such a intricate piece of nature
and i absolutely love them.

i need flowers.
over and out.

yeah, i really really want to see flowers.

[day 23-37: life is amazing]

holy cow. i haven't been on here for a really long time.
i've been soooooo busy...
but it's been with really good things!
i got to go with my mom on theee best spring vacation
with my mom, and it was so much fun.
we got to relax with my amazing family,
we went beach hopping,
and went to torrey pines
[the state park and the golf course]

it was one of the most
relaxing,
gorgeous,
adventurous,
memorable
vacations of my entire life.

once i got back, i was kickstarted
into one of the busiest weeks of my life.
i caught a cold,
created two binders that felt like
they contained half of my life,
and by saturday,
i was completely exhausted.
to continue the insanity,
i went to the color festival.

[i know it's cliche to talk about it]
[but it was my first year.]
[don't judge]

it was basically a huge hippie jam-session
with thousands of bags of dyed cornstarch
and people throwing it at each other.
so awesome.
peace, love and color.

finally, i'm back to sunday, and i'm ready
to start it all over again!
i've got finals starting in three weeks,
and then my [summer] will begin.
whoooohooooooo!

but, until then, i've got a little thought.
has anyone ever realized how crazy our lives are?
through all the chaos, the stress,
the happiness, the laughter,
the tears, the love, the hurt,
the adventures, the sickness,
and everything else we experience,
we are all on this earth.

not only were we blessed enough
to get here....most of us are healthy,
and we have families that love us.

on top of that,
we are living, breathing, existing,
on top of a heap of [beautiful] rock
that is spinning 600 miles per hour,
spinning in a circle 60,000 miles around the sun.

on top of that, think of our bodies.
think about how they are wired...
we are the only creatures on earth that
can simultaneously think, talk, create, move, and breathe
at the same time.

we have the capacity to constantly be learning and growing,
becoming whatever we want.
we can choose to be positive and make the
best out of every situation we find ourselves in,
regardless of circumstance.
happiness is a choice.
and i choose to be happy.

for a while, i've been hiding.
and i have absolutely no reason to.
i am alive, doing great things,
and working on doing better things!

from here on out, i am going to be working
on unlocking my true [full] potential.
there are plenty of things i want to do,
and there is absolutely nothing holding me back right now. there never will be.

full potential is coming out...
right now....
be ready.

[day 22: superhero]

do you remember when we were little,
and we all wanted to be
superheroes??

flying through the air,
helping the innocent,
fighting all the bad guys
and saving the world.
[all in a skin-tight leotard]

we'd have the power to influence
others for good,
just because of who we were.
we would be loved by everyone,
because of what we did,
right?

as children, we idolized the idea
of superheroes.
as an [almost] adult,
i still do.

if you think about it,
there are so many good things about
superheroes that need to be reborn into
our society.

helping others,
being honest,
strong,
kind,
healthy,
loyal,
and true to our causes.
just because.

now, don't get me wrong.
there are many people in my life
that i would consider heroes.
maybe even superheroes.
but it's because their
lives reflect the qualities
that i described above.

they do what is right,
because it's what's right.
not because of the fame
that comes with being a hero,
or the good looks or nice outfits
that are a part of being a superhero.

to be honest, most [if not all]
of the superheroes in my life
go unnoticed by society.
which is really sad to me.
hopefully, one day, we can
start to give credit where credit
is due...

maybe we'll establish special
street signs for our heroes.
you never know.

until then, i want to be a superhero
to others because i am a living
example of those positive attributes
that we admired in the heroes
we loved when we were
young.

[my favorite is batman]

let's be heroes people!
da-da-da-daaaaa!
[that's suposed to be a superhero jingle]
over and out.

[day 21: surprises]

have you ever had someone lie about lying
all for the sake of a surprise?
and because of that lie, you didn't really have
anything to say?

and then...the second you see that person,
every negative emotion you had completely
melts away?
[very specific experience, i know. if you've ever
had anything close to this, it blows your mind]

this happened to me yesterday.

i had plans to skype a friend who's plans
to come out for spring break had been changed.
[i was so bummed. can't even tell you]
we made plans to skype at 10 his time
[which is around 9 my time]

i got a call around 9:15, and i figured
it was because i was running late
[as usual]
rather then ask me what i was up to,
the phone call led to some weird instructions.
[the instructions were as follows]

1. go outside, around the corner, over to your trash can
2. between the furthest trash can and your house, there is a piece of paper
3. pick it up, and don't open it until i tell you [i was then told to open it.]
opening....BRUNO MARS TICKETS! WHOOPWHOOOP!
4. i was then told there was a second part to my surprise.
5. go back to your front door, and tell me when you're at your front porch.
[i got there and let my caller know]

at this point, my heart was going a billion beats per minute.
i get to my porch, and the caller told me that he had some bad news...
we weren't skypeing tonight.
[psh. my heart dropped]
at this point, he hung up the phone, and my front door opens.
there in the doorway is my best friend, garrett, with a massive smile
on his face.

he was supposed to be in texas...going to dallas...because
he didn't shoot well in the tournament
[that was what i was told, anyway]
but, regardless...there he was.
standing in my front door.
i couldn't even believe it.
i still can't believe it.
it was one of theeee best nights!!
i love suprises.

and i am pumped for bruno mars.
aaaah!
i love my life.

over and out.

[day 20: disaster]

today, i woke up to a text saying
"did you hear about what happened in japan?"
i had no idea what was going on.
in my head, i was thinking,
"uhh....japan? what happened?"
as the conversation continued,
to know of the 8.9 earthquake that
took place overseas in japan.

i couldn't believe it.

from the little that i do know
about earthquakes, i know that
8.9 is big.
real big.
i can't imagine what that would be like.
your whole world would [literally]
be crashing down on you,
your loved ones, and everything familiar
would be different.

it got me thinking about what i would
do if utah was struck by an earthquake.
i pray that i would be with my family,
and that we were all safe.
it would probably be something like
the movies with earthquakes.
crazy.

after hearing the news about the actual earthquake,
i heard about a massive tsunami wave that was supposedly
heading towards hawaii and possibly california.
my heart sunk.
i know people in hawaii and california
holy cow.
i feel that my [very] small realization
shed a [very] small light on the reality
that millions are currently experiencing.
it completely blew my mind.

this post is a shout out to anyone that
has been affected by the tragedy in japan.
my heart goes out to you,
and you'll be in my prayers.

[day 19: lonely]

ok, from my last couple of posts, you would think i'm
depressed.
i'm here to tell you, i'm not at all.

in fact, i am happier right now than i have been in weeks. i am working on a lot of things, but i am so happy! i can honestly say i love my life.

regardless, i've been thinking about
[loneliness]
today.

how many people in this world feel lonely?
how many people in my college feel lonely?
how many people that i know of feel lonely?
how many friends feel lonely?


[let me tell you...there are lots]

don't get me wrong,
i've had my share of lonely days this year,
[shed a couple tears in the bookstore]
but the idea of being lonely in college is somewhat
of a phenomenon.
every [single] one of us is constantly surrounded by
a sea of people, and [so] many of us feel so alone.
my grandma told me that college is the only time
that she has truly felt alone in such a large group of people.
and i totally agree!

feeling alone is so hard.
whether it be because you are trying to do what's right,
because you are studying like a crazy person,
or because you haven't found your group yet,
it is one of the hardest things. ever.

after graduation, almost every relationship
we have changes.

people move away, you move away, and people change.
you change.
there are so many changes your freshmen year
that make it really really [really] hard.
friends go on missions, and you start your own.

i think one of the biggest changes is your stability.
in high school, most of us know where we fit.
you have a group of people and you can call them
almost any time and ask "hey where you at?"
then, you make plans, and it's [at most] a 10 minute
drive to your friends.

from there, you all work together to make
that day an adventure.

in college, there have been [very] few times
when i have been able to call up my friends,
get together,
and make up a plan from there.

one of those [favorite] times was last weekend.
those who were present know what i mean.
it was one of the best nights i've had in so long.
[you can read a post about it below this one]
ooh, it was great. epic, even.

but, for those who feel lonely,
just remember you are never [truly] alone.
when you feel completely alone,
think of your parents, your family,
and those that are important to you.
the reason those people are important to you
is because they have given love to you
one way or another. that's why they're still in your life, right?

when you feel alone because you are
always the one dishing out the advice and care,
and you want just a little bit,
try and remember how much good you are doing
for that person.

hopefully, that person will be able to pay it forward, and they'll call and help you some day.

but, if that never happens, just remember that you are still very loved.

if you need a friend, feel free to call me.
i'll do what i can.

i want everyone to feel the same love that i do.
i am so lucky to experience the reciprocation of love that i do.

just think of the lady antebellum song "never alone"
you really are never alone.
[for those of you who haven't heard it, look it up]

[right now]

be happy, keep calm, and carry on.
know that you're loved.

over and out