[day 40-41: school]

weird thing, education.
who ever thought that as a
society
we need to attend institutions
created solely for learning?

whoever it is, they are brilliant.
seriously.

i think that being a part of [any] school
is the only way that we can
truly become who we are.
it's one of the few places
where we can access
the true power of our minds.

we learn how to write,
read, add, subtract, multiply,
divide, speak...among other things.
we [can] learn art, science, philosophy,
medicine, ethics, photography,
the list goes on and on.

it's where we learn how to
act socially. we begin to understand
social norms through what we learn
at school.

our minds are amazing.
i want mine to keep working
on expanding...

too cool for school?
psh....never.

[day 39: weakness]

today, i have been thinking about my personal weaknesses,
and what i'm not very good at.
not to beat myself up or anything, but to recognize things
that i can work on to improve
myself.

and the things that i found today are things
that i have been working on all year long.

i realized that i get nervous in front of crowds...
not because i have to be in front of a crowd,
but because i know i talk too fast.
and because people cannot understand me.
i have been working on slowing down my speech,
and it is really really hard for me.
as conceded and funny as it sounds,
my mouth is just trying to go as fast as my brain.
it's like my mouth is on a highway,
and my brain is on the auto-bahn in germany
[no speed limits, no rules. just speed]
that is when i start to stutter, and go over my words
and sound unintelligent....
i hate it.

i realized that i have a hard time sticking up for myself,
even when it needs to be done.
especially when it needs to done...
i think it's because i like everything to stay pleasant,
so i keep acting pleasant.

and i am pleasant, truly happy, most of the time.
it's not that i'm fake, i'm just good at projecting the good.

i realized that i am stubborn
[anyone that knows me is very aware of this]
to a fault sometimes.
and i actually enjoy being stubborn...
it helps me get things done.
but, at the same time, there are times when my
stubbornness
overrides manners, and i assume do something
myself
when i should let someone else do it.

for example, letting guys get the door for me
or letting someone get to know me
or letting someone help me when i need it.

i realized i put up [a lot of] walls that people
have to get through
before i let them get to truly know me.
which is not fair to anyone, including
myself.
because i think people would like to get to know me.
and i love to get to know people.
a lot of people!!

yikes. these are toughies.
i am working on them, always working.
because i want to be able to get to know you guys!
[by you guys, i mean everyone]

i know i am going to keep on being stubborn,
but i will try to let men be gentlemen.
[sorry guys]

i know these are parts of me that make me, me.
but, i need to work on them so that i don't hurt anyone.
including myself...which i have been doing and will continue to do

furthering my personal social experiment.
over and out.

[day 38: flowers]

i want flowers.
i want [constant] sunshine.
i want summer
and sunshine
and swimming
and summertime swagger
and friends
and working in the dirt
and boating
and snoasis
and tan-ness
and adventures
and [summer]

i will have my summer in 30ish days
until then, i will continue to search for signs of life...like flowers.

they are a piece of happiness, living art.
they are such a intricate piece of nature
and i absolutely love them.

i need flowers.
over and out.

yeah, i really really want to see flowers.

[day 23-37: life is amazing]

holy cow. i haven't been on here for a really long time.
i've been soooooo busy...
but it's been with really good things!
i got to go with my mom on theee best spring vacation
with my mom, and it was so much fun.
we got to relax with my amazing family,
we went beach hopping,
and went to torrey pines
[the state park and the golf course]

it was one of the most
relaxing,
gorgeous,
adventurous,
memorable
vacations of my entire life.

once i got back, i was kickstarted
into one of the busiest weeks of my life.
i caught a cold,
created two binders that felt like
they contained half of my life,
and by saturday,
i was completely exhausted.
to continue the insanity,
i went to the color festival.

[i know it's cliche to talk about it]
[but it was my first year.]
[don't judge]

it was basically a huge hippie jam-session
with thousands of bags of dyed cornstarch
and people throwing it at each other.
so awesome.
peace, love and color.

finally, i'm back to sunday, and i'm ready
to start it all over again!
i've got finals starting in three weeks,
and then my [summer] will begin.
whoooohooooooo!

but, until then, i've got a little thought.
has anyone ever realized how crazy our lives are?
through all the chaos, the stress,
the happiness, the laughter,
the tears, the love, the hurt,
the adventures, the sickness,
and everything else we experience,
we are all on this earth.

not only were we blessed enough
to get here....most of us are healthy,
and we have families that love us.

on top of that,
we are living, breathing, existing,
on top of a heap of [beautiful] rock
that is spinning 600 miles per hour,
spinning in a circle 60,000 miles around the sun.

on top of that, think of our bodies.
think about how they are wired...
we are the only creatures on earth that
can simultaneously think, talk, create, move, and breathe
at the same time.

we have the capacity to constantly be learning and growing,
becoming whatever we want.
we can choose to be positive and make the
best out of every situation we find ourselves in,
regardless of circumstance.
happiness is a choice.
and i choose to be happy.

for a while, i've been hiding.
and i have absolutely no reason to.
i am alive, doing great things,
and working on doing better things!

from here on out, i am going to be working
on unlocking my true [full] potential.
there are plenty of things i want to do,
and there is absolutely nothing holding me back right now. there never will be.

full potential is coming out...
right now....
be ready.

[day 22: superhero]

do you remember when we were little,
and we all wanted to be
superheroes??

flying through the air,
helping the innocent,
fighting all the bad guys
and saving the world.
[all in a skin-tight leotard]

we'd have the power to influence
others for good,
just because of who we were.
we would be loved by everyone,
because of what we did,
right?

as children, we idolized the idea
of superheroes.
as an [almost] adult,
i still do.

if you think about it,
there are so many good things about
superheroes that need to be reborn into
our society.

helping others,
being honest,
strong,
kind,
healthy,
loyal,
and true to our causes.
just because.

now, don't get me wrong.
there are many people in my life
that i would consider heroes.
maybe even superheroes.
but it's because their
lives reflect the qualities
that i described above.

they do what is right,
because it's what's right.
not because of the fame
that comes with being a hero,
or the good looks or nice outfits
that are a part of being a superhero.

to be honest, most [if not all]
of the superheroes in my life
go unnoticed by society.
which is really sad to me.
hopefully, one day, we can
start to give credit where credit
is due...

maybe we'll establish special
street signs for our heroes.
you never know.

until then, i want to be a superhero
to others because i am a living
example of those positive attributes
that we admired in the heroes
we loved when we were
young.

[my favorite is batman]

let's be heroes people!
da-da-da-daaaaa!
[that's suposed to be a superhero jingle]
over and out.

[day 21: surprises]

have you ever had someone lie about lying
all for the sake of a surprise?
and because of that lie, you didn't really have
anything to say?

and then...the second you see that person,
every negative emotion you had completely
melts away?
[very specific experience, i know. if you've ever
had anything close to this, it blows your mind]

this happened to me yesterday.

i had plans to skype a friend who's plans
to come out for spring break had been changed.
[i was so bummed. can't even tell you]
we made plans to skype at 10 his time
[which is around 9 my time]

i got a call around 9:15, and i figured
it was because i was running late
[as usual]
rather then ask me what i was up to,
the phone call led to some weird instructions.
[the instructions were as follows]

1. go outside, around the corner, over to your trash can
2. between the furthest trash can and your house, there is a piece of paper
3. pick it up, and don't open it until i tell you [i was then told to open it.]
opening....BRUNO MARS TICKETS! WHOOPWHOOOP!
4. i was then told there was a second part to my surprise.
5. go back to your front door, and tell me when you're at your front porch.
[i got there and let my caller know]

at this point, my heart was going a billion beats per minute.
i get to my porch, and the caller told me that he had some bad news...
we weren't skypeing tonight.
[psh. my heart dropped]
at this point, he hung up the phone, and my front door opens.
there in the doorway is my best friend, garrett, with a massive smile
on his face.

he was supposed to be in texas...going to dallas...because
he didn't shoot well in the tournament
[that was what i was told, anyway]
but, regardless...there he was.
standing in my front door.
i couldn't even believe it.
i still can't believe it.
it was one of theeee best nights!!
i love suprises.

and i am pumped for bruno mars.
aaaah!
i love my life.

over and out.

[day 20: disaster]

today, i woke up to a text saying
"did you hear about what happened in japan?"
i had no idea what was going on.
in my head, i was thinking,
"uhh....japan? what happened?"
as the conversation continued,
to know of the 8.9 earthquake that
took place overseas in japan.

i couldn't believe it.

from the little that i do know
about earthquakes, i know that
8.9 is big.
real big.
i can't imagine what that would be like.
your whole world would [literally]
be crashing down on you,
your loved ones, and everything familiar
would be different.

it got me thinking about what i would
do if utah was struck by an earthquake.
i pray that i would be with my family,
and that we were all safe.
it would probably be something like
the movies with earthquakes.
crazy.

after hearing the news about the actual earthquake,
i heard about a massive tsunami wave that was supposedly
heading towards hawaii and possibly california.
my heart sunk.
i know people in hawaii and california
holy cow.
i feel that my [very] small realization
shed a [very] small light on the reality
that millions are currently experiencing.
it completely blew my mind.

this post is a shout out to anyone that
has been affected by the tragedy in japan.
my heart goes out to you,
and you'll be in my prayers.

[day 19: lonely]

ok, from my last couple of posts, you would think i'm
depressed.
i'm here to tell you, i'm not at all.

in fact, i am happier right now than i have been in weeks. i am working on a lot of things, but i am so happy! i can honestly say i love my life.

regardless, i've been thinking about
[loneliness]
today.

how many people in this world feel lonely?
how many people in my college feel lonely?
how many people that i know of feel lonely?
how many friends feel lonely?


[let me tell you...there are lots]

don't get me wrong,
i've had my share of lonely days this year,
[shed a couple tears in the bookstore]
but the idea of being lonely in college is somewhat
of a phenomenon.
every [single] one of us is constantly surrounded by
a sea of people, and [so] many of us feel so alone.
my grandma told me that college is the only time
that she has truly felt alone in such a large group of people.
and i totally agree!

feeling alone is so hard.
whether it be because you are trying to do what's right,
because you are studying like a crazy person,
or because you haven't found your group yet,
it is one of the hardest things. ever.

after graduation, almost every relationship
we have changes.

people move away, you move away, and people change.
you change.
there are so many changes your freshmen year
that make it really really [really] hard.
friends go on missions, and you start your own.

i think one of the biggest changes is your stability.
in high school, most of us know where we fit.
you have a group of people and you can call them
almost any time and ask "hey where you at?"
then, you make plans, and it's [at most] a 10 minute
drive to your friends.

from there, you all work together to make
that day an adventure.

in college, there have been [very] few times
when i have been able to call up my friends,
get together,
and make up a plan from there.

one of those [favorite] times was last weekend.
those who were present know what i mean.
it was one of the best nights i've had in so long.
[you can read a post about it below this one]
ooh, it was great. epic, even.

but, for those who feel lonely,
just remember you are never [truly] alone.
when you feel completely alone,
think of your parents, your family,
and those that are important to you.
the reason those people are important to you
is because they have given love to you
one way or another. that's why they're still in your life, right?

when you feel alone because you are
always the one dishing out the advice and care,
and you want just a little bit,
try and remember how much good you are doing
for that person.

hopefully, that person will be able to pay it forward, and they'll call and help you some day.

but, if that never happens, just remember that you are still very loved.

if you need a friend, feel free to call me.
i'll do what i can.

i want everyone to feel the same love that i do.
i am so lucky to experience the reciprocation of love that i do.

just think of the lady antebellum song "never alone"
you really are never alone.
[for those of you who haven't heard it, look it up]

[right now]

be happy, keep calm, and carry on.
know that you're loved.

over and out

[day 17-18: honesty]

"tryin to be perfect, tryin not to let you down...
honesty is honestly the hardest for me right now."
[who's heard that song?]

how important is honesty? honestly. [no pun intended]
really, without honesty, there is no way
for us to develop interpersonal relationships
with others.

who thought of the concept of honesty though?
and who named it?
weird thought huh.

but, regardless of where [or who]
it came from, it's something that is
so important to me.
not that i enjoy people that are brutally honest.
i don't really appreciate that.
it's not that i can't take criticism,
but when people are using
honesty as a cover for being rude, ooh it kills me.

anyways [sorry, i'm distractible today]
i have been thinking about how important
honesty is to me...and why.

without honesty, no body trusts anybody.
without honesty, people become lost.
without honesty, feelings are hurt, friendships are changed.

when people are honest,
[all the time]
the relationship couldn't be better.

i love when people are honest with me,
and i hope people can say the same about me.
it is such an important part of [any]
relationship.

if you're honest, a lot of other
really good qualities
will follow.

i know that from experience...
honesty is the best policy
for everything.
practice what you preach.
be honest, be yourself, and let the rest go.

over and out.

[day 16: firsts, friends, and rum]

tonight was completely epic.

after working for my adorable neighbor,

i got a facebook text from the liza

[yes, you know who she is]

saying that she was home.

after going to four [that's right, 4]

grocery stores, we finally satisfied

everything on both of our lists.

for the first time in our lives, we attempted make a souffle.

three hours later, after several attempts, stupid eggs,

and an amazing mango sauce, we started one of the [best jokes]

that we have ever committed.

ashley, lindsey, liza, and i all [acted] completely intoxicated.

and jamie believed us.

the sauce that goes over the souffle is made with a little bit of rum,

but due to the heat, the alcohol burns out. [thankfully]

before jamie got to liza's house we all planned to randomly

start acting intoxicated after eating our souffle [with the sauce]

jamie got a text, ashley starting rocking

her bummm around the kitchen, 

and lindsay and i caught on.

i turned into the catty one, lindsay started laughing,

ashley continued to dance around

and then stopped to throw up

[not really though. we poured water into the toilet]

the night has since continued, and we've dyed 

liza's hair [which will be fixed tomorrow]

and now we're all piled on a [very] small

blowup bed, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

this is a day of firsts.

it's the first time that we've all been together since christmas

it's the first time liza and i have made a souffle

it's the first time that we've all acted intoxicated together.

[acting intoxicated will be the only thing i ever do]

it's the first memorable girls weekend i've had in so long,

and i have loved every second.

i love my [best] friends, and i want [all of] them 

to be in my life for the rest of my life.

the laughs and talks and fun times we share are priceless.

best friends are the best things to have.

over and out.

[day 14-15: california? yes please]

california, california, here i come!
[name that song]
i found out last night that
i get to go to california for
my spring break.

not only do i get to go to the wonderful
state of CA, i get to go with my best friend,
[drumroll please...]
MY MOMMA!

oh my heavens, i cannot even tell you how
excited i am. for the first time,
in the history of forever,
my mom and i get to go on our
own adventure!

we get to go to a play, [we're seeing wicked!]
and to the beach,
and wherever else we want!
and, we get a sweet piece of that
california sunshine.

i. am. pumped.
my mom, me, and an adventure.
ooh my heavens.
this is going to be epic.

you better believe there will
be pictures and enough documentation...
i've decided that my mom is a
[pathological] picturetaker.
and i'm starting to take after her
[hopefully in more ways than one]

california, here i come.
better prepare yourself.

over and out.

[day 13: hello march]

today is the first day of march.
[happiness]
i can't even begin to tell you how excited i was
when i woke up this morning to sunshine
shining through my window.
i sat in my bed, peeked through my blinds,
and smiled ear to ear.
it was thee best "good mornings" [from nature]
that i've had in a long time.

to me, march means:
sunshine
warmth [well, more of it]
new life
finals
spring time
basketball
[thee best] spring skiing
[upcoming] easter

and a whole lot of other happy things.

let me tell you, the sunshine today made my day [almost] perfect. 

not only did i get to have sunshine, i got to go to lunch with 

two of my cute friends from school. we [heart] texas roadhouse,

and the cute friends that we find there. 

[almost as much as the delicious food]

i can't wait for sunshine like i had this morning

to happen daily. i am so excited to run barefooted

through the grass, mow the lawn, get in the dirt,

have late night talks in the amazing summer nights.

drive in movies, swimming, working, hiking, biking, 

fishing [maybe], golfing [BIG maybe],

beaches, sand, and traveling [hopefully]

lots and lots of things that i want to do.

i can't wait for summertime and

all of the adventures i'm going to have.
i've just gotta get through the rest of the
school year, and finals, first. [yikes]

hello march!
i am so excited to have you here.
over and out.